Losing Or Gaining
by CrunchyChipsAndBlueSocks
Summary: Is Ellie losing her best friend Marco to another girl? How can she win him back.. If she can win him back. Rated M for sexual content, in later chapters. MarcoEllie
1. Introduction

Introduction

Some people just assume things about other people. Some people at Degrassi High judge other people. Who do they think they are to judge someone by the way they act or dress. I get judged by people all the time, people who don't even know me. They think they can tell by the way I act and dress they can judge me.. It isn't there place to judge us, 'outcasts, gothics, punks, nerds, ect.' We should be able to dress and act the way we want without being judge.. Shouldn't we?

This story is about Ellie and her journey to NOT be judged or critisised by other girls or boys... All Ellie wants, is to fit in, to be liked by guys..

In this story, Ellie was never with Sean Cameron, She never fell for Marco also in my story which is a fan fiction Marco ISN'T gay. Hopefully you all read this so you aren't confused while reading the story. Also in my story Marco is currently with a girl named Serenity.


	2. Serenity

Ellie POV

I walk up the steps of Degrassi High heart broken. The guy I am in love with is in love with another girl. I still love him though, even though he doesn't know I do.. The worst thing is, he is my best friend. I know I should be happy he has a girl friend, but I can't help but thinking I have less chance with him. By the way.. His name is Marco Del Rossi and his 'girl friends' name is Serenity.. She's a lot more pretty then I am and she is popuular. She is more then I could ever be, she has natural blonde hair and great blue eyes. Sometimes I notice weird things in a person.. Like how when ever is writing some thing about Serenity he curls his y's and when he isn't he doesn't curl his y's.. Yes, I'm very observent. I like to be, all though people aren't very observent that I go to this school.

"Hey El, I hope you don't mind that Serenity's sitting with us." Marco said as I sat down for lunch. Serenity was, belive it or not shorter then Marco. You have to be really short to be shorter then Marco. Serenity was kind of a bitch to me, because Marco and I spent a lot of time together.. I just stared at him, giving him the stare that says "Why the hell did you not ask me!"

"Well if you want me to leave I can." Serenity got up.

"It's okay.. I'll leave you to alone, not like I'm wanted here anyway." I said getting up, as Serenity sat back down. I walked away throwing my lunch away.

Lately Marco Has been blowing me off to go on dates with Serenity. I mean yes once or twice is fine, but he's done it six times. I'm going to talk to him later, because I know he will ask why I left today in like that.

It was after school and Marco was supossed to meet me the dot he said he was going to make up for the lunch accident. It had been an hour since school had gotten out and he still hadn't shown. So I went home..

I'm losing my best friend.. I'm being replaced.. What did I do wrong, what does Serenity have that I don't? When I got home my mom wasn't there, I found a note on the frige.

_Ellie, went out to see some old friends be back late._

_Mom._

Old friends.. Old friends that she would go and drink with? I walked up stairs to my room and turned the radio on as loud as it could go.. I screamed at the top of my lungs, but it was muffled by the music. After that I did home work and things..

Serenity was so much more beautiful then I was, more pretty, more skinny, she was everything I wasn't maybe that's why Marco was with her..

I fell onto my bed and cried.. I just cried and cried, thinking of how much I love him and how much he meant.. And now the only person I had left I was losing.

I got up and went to the bathroom.. I got a paper towel and wipped my make up away. I turned on the shower, I got undress while I waited for it to get hot. I waited about five minutes then got in.. It felt hot and good, I didn't have any shampoo. So I had only conditioner. I headed for the soap when it fell, so i leaned down to get and saw the razor.. I don't want to die but I don't want to feel this way. I picked it up and cut my arm, and wrist.. I saw the blood in the water.. I didn't hurt as much as I did before.. But how long would not feeling last?


	3. Realizing

Ellie POV

I walked up the steps of Degrassi.. Like I did everyday. I saw Marco and Serenity talk and when he saw me he came running.

"Oh my god Ellie about last night." He looked at me.

"Go be with your girl friend Marco, not like I mean anything anyway." I said walking past him.

I walked in to my locker and found Marco waiting for me..

"Ellie I need a favor please!" He said as I aproached.

"What the hell Marco, you can't just blow your best friend off to be with your girl friend, not say sorry and except me to do a favor for you..." I said opening my locked into his face.

"Ellie it was only once.. And what do you have against Serenity?" He asked folowing me to Mrs. Kawn's class.

"It was five times Marco, not once and what do I have against Serenity..." I sighed and gave him the dirtest look I could give him in that moment. I took my seat two rows up from Marco..

What did I have against Serenity! She stoll my best friend, stoll my guy she took him away and I hate her for it! I raised my hand.

"Yes Ellie?" Mrs. Kawn asked.

"Can I use the bathroom?" I asked..

"Yes but hurry back." She answered and turned back to the chalk board. When she was turned around Marco folowed me out.

"Hey, umm what's wrong?" He asked coming up behnd me.

"God Marco can't you see what's right infront of your face!" I said and walked into the girls bathroom leaving him outside.

I went into one of the stalls.. And I didn't want to cut.. It was a weird feeling not wanting to cut... I just sat there, I just needed a break from Marco.. Not that I didn't want him to be mine because I do it's just.. He so doesn't understand me anymore but has he ever "really" understood me? That was a question I asked my self a lot.. Did anyone really understand me or do they just pretend to?

On the bright side I'm going to this party tonight, Dylan invited me.. He used to be friends with Marco, so he sort of knows me. It's at Dylan's frat house.. I wonder who's gunna be there, I wonder what I'm going to wear..

**please R&R tell me how you like it thanx. Sorry so short I'll update soon.  
**


	4. Losing Him

I walked out of the bathroom to find Marco waiting for me..

"Look I'm sorry I just have a lot on my mind." I said as he got up off the floor.

"It's okay." He gave me a hug and I hugged him back..

"Can I come over tonight, I wana make it up for blowing you off?" He asked as we went back to Mrs. Kawn's class.

"Yeah, you've already been there so you know what it's like.." I said as the bell rang and the halls filled up with students. Serenity came up and kissed Marco on the check.

"Hey Marco." She said putting her arm around him.. I just kept walking with them, she looked at me like 'go away he's mine now.'

"So umm wana come over tonight, my mom and dad are out of town?" She asked shifting her eyes away from me and to Marco. Marco looked at me and I gave him a 'whatever' look.

"Sorry, me and Ellie already have plans." He answered and smiled at me.

"Like a date!" She sqealed. She looked at Marco and looked like she was going to cry.

"No.. Not a date just a friend thing kay?" He said hugging her.

"How about tomorrow, can you come tomorrow?" She asked.

"Yes tomorrow kay." He said and kissed her lightly on her lips.. She stuck with us during lunch.

After school she left to go home she seemed sad that Marco couldn't come over tonight. We walked to my house, which wasn't that far fo me, but Marco looked like he was going to explode. I was just used to the walk I guess.

I walked up our steps and opened the door to find my mother on the couch crying.. She usually is sleeping or something.. Something was wrong.. When I opened the door she turned her head,

"Ellie.. I.. I need to talk to you.. Alone." She said looking towards Marco.

"Okay, umm just a minute I'll be right back." I said running upstairs as Marco followed.

"Hey I'll be right back just watch tv or something." I said running back down stairs and leaving Marco in my room. My mom was on the couch so I sat down beside her, I had the feeling something serious happened..

"Ellie.. You have to understand I didn't want this, your father did..." She said looking at me and contuining. "Your father and I are getting a divorce.. There's going to be a trial this saturday on who gets costidy of you." She said..

I knew I would have to go live with my father.. The judge would never let me stay with her.. But I did love her, she was my mother..

"I don't understand.. Why does he want this." I said getting up. "This isn't fair." I looked at her and she some how didn't even looked fazed..

"The trial is saturday.. So get packed." She said coldly.. She wanted me gone. She didn't want me, she wanted to pawn me off on my father!..

"You want this.. To get rid of me." I gave her the coldest look I could..

"No of course not honey." She said.

"You don't want me anymore.. Am I a disapointment... I hate you." I said running up stairs to find Marco watching tv.

I looked at him.. He could tell something was wrong.

"El, whats wrong?" He asked.. Tears started running down my face and he got up and walked over to me.

I hugged him and cried on his shoulder..

"My mom doesn't want me Marco, she hates me! I'm a disapointment to her.." I cried out.

"No El your not a disapointment." He said as we sat on the bed..

"There getting a divorce and she wants me gone Marco.. God neither of them want me!" I said starting to cry again. We both jumped at the sound of the front door slamming, she had left.

I looked at Marco and he wipped my tears away.. He leaned in and our lips touched, his tounge slipped into my mouth. He put his arm around my back. It was the best thing ever.. But.. Serenity..

"El.. I can't." He said looking at me.. I looked at him and cried, I got up and ran to the bathroom.

"Ellie I'm sorry." He said as I closed the door in his face.

"It doesn't matter anymore.. Nothing matters.. No one cares..SO WHY THE HELL SHOULD I!" I yelled out. I got the razor from my shower and cut furiously at my arm.. No one cared about how I felt, my mom didn't want me Marco kissed me then told me it ment nothing! It didn't matter anymore, without Marco I couldn't live.. Blood started coming out fast.. At first it scared me but then it just let it come. It hurt.. But soon it would be over. I could hear Marco yelling and screaming for me not to, he was frantically trying to open the door.. But it didn't budge..

I soon felt dizzy and knowing I would be out cold soon I had to lose as much blood as I could so I didn't have a chance to live. So I cut more and more, my head felt like twenty pounds and I finally let my head rest against the wall.. Everything started swirling together like a rainbow.. I felt everything go away while I got cold.. Really cold... It suddenly just stopped... I wasn't cold or hurt.. It just stopped...

**please read and review tell me if i can inprove or how to make it better thanx. CrunchyChipsAndBlueSocks**


	5. Love Or Lies

Marco POV

I started crying when she ran to the bathroom... I had hurt her so much, how could I do this to her.. Or Serenity.. I was with Serenity but I loved Ellie.. Dylan, Ashley, Craig, Paige and I were the only ones in the waiting room. By the time the paremedics got into the bathroom Ellie had already lost conciousness.. She had lost 75 of her blood by the time we got into the bathroom.. That's a lot.. The doctors wouldn't let any of us into see her because we weren't family.. But her mom and dad wouldn't be coming anytime soon. I begged the doctors to let me in, I told them the story about her parents but not about her and I.

I walked into the room... She was so pale, she was in a coma.. They think she will snap out of it, there's a 50 percent of her coming back and 50 percent of her dieing.. I feel awful, this is my fault I just couldn't tell her how I felt.. I loved her so much but I don't know I just couldn't tell her.. After today I realize we only have so much time and I have to tell her when she wakes up how I really feel.. But what about Serenity..? I would take Ellie's place in a moment.. I do love her.. But I didnt't want to hurt Serneity also..

Ashley POV

I had to drag Paige along because she didn't care much for Ellie, but I did.. Aparentlly Marco was with her when this happened. I was scared, because Ellie could die.. The doctors and nurses wouldn't let us in, but some how Marco got his way into her room... I hope she makes it..

Ellie POV

I woke up in an unfamilar room.. Damn.. It didn't work.. All the pain I had gotten rid of in the process was back.. My arms were wrapped up.. Marco was in the room.. My head felt like a thosand pounds. When he saw me move he came up to me.

"Ellie.. I do love you so much.. I'm so fucking sorry you couldn't imgine.." He said holding my hand..

"It didn't work Marco.." I bearly got out of my mouth..

"What didn't work tell me." He said looking at me..

"Getting rid of the pain Marco.. I was gone for a while.. But it's back... Marco... Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you or anything.. Do you really mean it though?" I asked.

"Mean what?" He asked..

"Do you really mean you love me..? I asked drifting off again.. I heard something but I couldn't make out who it was.. My head just got heavy and my eyes closed and I felt a sence of relief...

Marco POV

She was awake for a while she faded off later.. She has lost a lot of blood which would make me tired too. I was still I was still in Ellie's room when Serenity walked in.. She was loud or rude... She just asked,

"Hi Marco... How is she?"

"She's got a 50 percent chance of living and 50 chance of dieing.." I ansered... She walked over to me and kissed me on the lips..

"Can we go outside and talk for a moment..?" She asked giving me her desperate look..

"Yeah I could use some fresh air." I said getting up, she held my hand and lead me out the door. I looked back and saw Ellie and felt a sence of secureity.

"I know you love her Marco... But I love you." She said as tears ran down her face.. I hugged her and held her tight..

"Marco.. I need you.. Apparently more then you need me.." She sobbed out.

"Serenity... I do love her.. But I will always be here for you." I didn't know what else to say. I did love Ellie but I didn't want to hurt Serenity..

When I looked back and saw four doctors rush into Ellie's room, I ran to the door but they wouldn't let me in.

"What's going on! What happened!" I kept yelling until one of them yelled,

"Something's wrong with her heart now GET OUT OF HERE!"

Her heart.. I broke it that's what's wrong with it I broke it.. I saw Serenity and she was crying so hard... We were both in the waiting room it was about 2:00 am or some where around there. Serenity had fallin' asleep on my chest.. Serenity needed comfort right now and I gave her that.. A doctor walked into the waiting room with a look that I could sence was not a good thing...

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